Day two- I feel like I am meant to feel super motivated and be all like “Ok guys I am pumped Whooo!!!” but to be honest I am in just a crappy mood. It isn’t really do with anything. I have low mood disorder and anxiety so each morning I wake up searching my body and mind to get a sense of what kind of day it will be.
Today is a bad day. I couldn’t sleep because my mind was racing ahead thinking of how much this most recent lapse of Mental health is going to cost me. I am out of work, there is piles of laundry, I have a wedding looming. My mind zigzags- a normal person would probably prioritise this list as my sister so aptly put it I should just do the following
- Put work out of my mind. I am sick and getting help.
- Laundry isn’t a real concern. It’s only laundry.
- The wedding will be wonderful no matter what.
And this is also what I would say to someone else who was in the same mindframe and I would know how much that person wants to punch me in the left tit! To me these are all equally catastrophic at 2am.
Anyway like all bad days I knew what to do. Auto Pilot time. Wake up, get out of bed (Dressing is optional-PJ’S are acceptable daywear!) and try get through one part of your day. I am currently reorganising my furniture in my apartment. I do this because 1- it feels cathartic and 2- redecorating/reorganising helps me ignore how much I let slide in the bad weeks past. Honestly I should win a fucking award for my ability to just get out of bed! It would look like this….
But today was not a complete disaster. Usually I eat my feelings but today I actually managed to eat my prepped meals. I honestly do not know how people learn calorie counting but I’d say maybe 250-300 cals per dish. I one day will look it up and discover they were 1000 each but for right now I am happy with my naiveté. This was pure will power and I have just realised whilst writing this blog post that I have demolished a whole galaxy caramel….Whoops!
Onto the BIG PART OF MY DAY-MBSR.
For those of you not in the cool hippy mindfulness buzz (99.9% of humans) this stands for Mindful Based Stress reduction and the sessions look an awful lot like this stock photo I have robbed from google.
It is 2.5 hours long and a lot of meditation. It was a good day to start because when I start things in a good mood I tend to shy away when in a bad mood as I don’t want to annoy or irk people who may previously have liked me! So starting on a kinda of shitty mood day was good as, to quote from Dream, “Things can only get better!”. To any of you who don’t get this reference please watch this helpful good mood song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIj-6fr2SlI LOL
The class was good. I was probably the youngest there and I always feel weird when I see people whom I deem to have “real life problems” as in they are struggling and probably have a family/mortgage/career. I am always amazed that these people can find time to help themselves and juggle all the other balls.
Anyway, Day two in a nutshell was not a roaring success but hey I kept going!
Peace and love folks xxxx